part two.

every moment that i have ever spent with you was a priviledge i thought i could always have. I guess i was wrong cos now i dont even get to see you, i miss you so much. Now i really cherish the times that i ever got to at least talk to you.

part one.

i need to make a confession, i miss her a lot! oh my god. Intuition by jewel makes me miss her, why? HOW THE FUCK I KNOW?! I'm like going through all the old testimonials i saw all the retarded stuff i wrote for her, i feel like putting my head in the sand. DAMN. and monday doesn't feel like monday anymore. NO MORE AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL.
die die die die die die die i'm suffering for withdrawal symptoms. i want a fag. bye

SHOPPING LIST!

alright. it's the holidays and i'm frikking bored and out of clothes. THERFORE. i'm gonna plan a list of what i'm gonna get during the holidays put a budget on these items, calculate the budget, earn the budget, spend the earnings and hopefully would have some savings! well i could always ask my mum to take me on a shopping trip to make it so much simpler. ;)

1. Corduroy pants- $90
2. Jeans- $250(i'm looking at 7 jeans you see)
3. Black long sleeve shirt- $60
4. 2 Ringer shirts- $60 i dont want them no more, cos i just remembered i've got one coming soon :D
5. Vostok watch- $350
6. Trucker cap- $45 i think my head doesn't need such crap. i have beautiful hair.
7. Knitted vest- $80
8. Track jacket- $100
9. Blazer- $300
10. Long sleeve t-shirts or polos- $50
11. Belt i bought a fucking nice belt! :D

ok the total is $1385
i have to work about 55 days to get that kind of money!!!!!!! FUCK MAN that's like my whole holidays!!

alright. it's the holidays and i'm frikking bored and out of clothes. THERFORE. i'm gonna plan a list of what i'm gonna get during the holidays put a budget on these items, calculate the budget, earn the budget, spend the earnings and hopefully would have some savings! well i could always ask my mum to take me on a shopping trip to make it so much simpler. ;)

1. Corduroy pants- $90
2. Jeans- $250(i'm looking at 7 jeans you see)
3. Black long sleeve shirt- $60
4. 2 Ringer shirts- $60
5. Vostok watch- $350
6. Trucker cap- $45
7. Knitted vest- $80
8. Track jacket- $100
9. Blazer- $300
10. Long sleeve t-shirts or polos- $50

ok the total is $1385
i have to work about 55 days to get that kind of money!!!!!!! FUCK MAN that's like my whole holidays!!

i'm really fucking confused. i really want to go acs international. but then by next year i'm sure millions of people will be piling in already. and i want to be in stc with all my friends. i'm seriously confused.

I BOUGHT FAGS MAN! fuck you loser who cant get fags outside man! i fucking got hot fags!! oh yes went to acs(international) open house my mum's thinking of sending me there then dont have to presbyterian ladies college in australia. i want to go, but then i dont want to leave stc. i still want to be with my friends and all. sheesh gotta see la.

you know, i was looking at some messages and it really made me realized that this group of friends i have are like something i should really treasure very well. But you see i'm scared that we would just split apart. I don't want that to happen. You know, even if i complain about them all leaving me, it would actually just come back to me for not studying hard enough, not trying hard enough and so on. Then comes, "if only" and "maybe" example, "if only i had study harder" and "maybe if you give me a chance i can show you." Technically, even if a person were to say that anybody would that person actually try harder?

i'm waiting for the sky to fall, i'm waiting for a sign

All we are is all so far.
You’re falling back to me,
The star that I can’t see.
I know you’re out there,
Somewhere out there.
You’re falling out of reach,
Defying gravity,
I know you’re out there,
Somewhere out there.
Hope you remember me


hello, i'm feeling sick in the stomach maybe it's cos i'm having my cramps and also because i was watching some sick show where they cut their faces and chest as a rite of passage from a child to an adult and the way the blood flowed out was like water from a tap. Now, why don't those people get counselled for self harm?! whatever. i'm feeling tired but i still have to wait for the S.O.C. to start at 1am! For the last time, I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE I'M RETAINING. oh god send me to ACS international with Bryan. :(

my heart was crushed by a former love

somehow i think you still care about me.

i had a really nice conversation. i'm still thinking about it how funny it was how relieving it was. i mean all the things that i never knew i found out things that can actually save myself, things which weren't even real but because i always assumed it then i cause myself to be so, i dont know irritated maybe?

more rock, more talk

oh my fuck oh my fuck oh my fuck!! lynette's actually talking to me!! :D

you know what i have a little regrets about what i did, i mean i didnt expect it to split up so wide. and it wasn't even painful when it split up. i just got the shock of my life and i couldn't take anymore so i just broke down. it wasn't even a fucking attempt at suicide. whatever man


ah'm gonna git ciggarettes an' some colt 45 or somethin' an' git myself real fucked-up. th'o't about like lots o' sheeit an' sheeit. kill da principal damn. kill dem just like mammy.

i think school's fucked up.

when there is knick, there would be knack.

first of all school was really crappy. 15 people didn't come all the ultra studious people didn't come. and in school we were really really really bored. we wanted to play cards and nobody brought. me, steff, amanda and priscilla ended up making cards on our own. and it's called GASP! if you are smart enough you'd know why. then the fucken idiots dont want to use their own money to play blackjack. so we had to make paper money. :D and i won $1000 in paper money! if only it was really money la. and it was the 2nd time of THIS year i was called "butch-like" like what the fuck la. that lee ting ting came after my hair colour and hair style. but it's ok cos 3 more days and no more fucking school!! and i can have green fucking hair and no bitch can stop me. cept for my mum, dad those people. you get what i mean right?

oh yes. i found out something today. and i cannot believe it.
ABSOLUTELY NOT. NO NO NOOOO! SHE CANNOT BE A FUCKING LESBIAN. SHE'S DEFINITELY NOT A LESBIAN. LIKE WHICH PART OF HER LOOKS LESBIAN?!?!?!?! I WANNA CRY. SHE CAN'T BE A LESBIAN. CANNOT CANNOT CANNOT. I HOPE SHE'S JUST SAYING THAT SO THAT NO ONE WOULD LIKE HER. BUT SHE EVEN BLOGGED ABOUT DUMPING HER " GIRLFRIEND" SHIT SHIT SHIT. NOT LESBIAN. I'M TOTALLY FINE WITH LESBIANS. BUT SHE JUST CANT BE ONE!! IT'S SO OUT OF POINT. LIKE SHE'S SO SO SO I DONT KNOW. darn.

iz

you know what, i just realized it's a approximately a month to my birthday! :D and i'm here to blog cos i think i want to go vegetarian. DONT LAUGH YOU FUCKERS. i think i want to like try? so i'll try going without meat for this week if i can tahan then go on a little longer lor.. :D wah then all the meat products also cannot lor. TRY LA. :D

cos baby, shorter you gotta wait longer.

i was just thinking bout the "gangsta" people. cos i was listening to abit of nigga songs. errr like what leon and jason likes, like nelly 50cent that kinda thing and i started thinking of those "gangsta" who wear that stocking looking thing to wrap their head and wear like shirts 3 to 5 times bigger than their actual size and jeans also 3 to 5 times bigger. then the nike dunks. the air force1s the delta forces the alpha forces. haha. damn those "gangstas" i shall find a really big chain and wear it to school and be a fucking nigga. alright. bye dawgs.

oh yeah. i forgot to add. i somehow told miss seah that i ever shoplifted cos i was saying something to tanya bout my estate the provision shop like you can take things and just walk out without paying they also dont care. then miss seah was like, you mean you've done it?! then i was like (ooops) of cos not la! i think miss seah is hell cute la. she's quite funny we kept talking to her today and she made us copy like 3498324982349023840380 words for corrections. :(

101

alright, this is my 101 post on this blog :) today was a bit crappy. i was sad and angry. i didn't even know why?!?! and fuck. they are collaborating against me. i'm slow and all but that doesn't really make me stupid. i know what you all do behind Me.

inspirational.

i was checking out your friendster profile. i see all those testimonials and you replying them and stuff, i wonder why can't you do the same to me? but you know it doesn't really matter cos i don't give that much a fuck. and btw, i didn't know you were actually concerned about other people. i thought you were always such a self centered fuck.


and now i know
how much i loved you so
even though it's been a long while
i can't put you out of my mind.
sometimes i wish i could find
something which could get me out of this shit
but everytime i tried i'd end up back with this shit.
and now because i know we can never be
i've decided it's time i gave up already.
i still may not be over you
but i guess i actually gave up wanting you
and they say love is your loved one being happy
cos that i so totally agree
so i can't put in words how much you actually meant to me.
but whatever it is,
however it is,
i still want you to know that if you ever fall
i'd be there you catch you still

i have to fork out 90fucking dollars for my shirts. and i haven't paid. damn it. FUCK FUCK. and i want my watch too. ANYBODY WANT TO SPONSOR ME?! in total i need, $385 how fucky right. anyway i went blog hopping went to this person's blog and i just started laughing like crap. awright. i'm going off gonna get a haircutt. :D SEXBOMB!

you know i won this bid for a shirt. and faggot hell i didn't expect postage to be so expensive! like 17 fucking dollars. CORRECTION, USD. so in total my shirt which was like 6 USD which was something like 11SGD became like fucking 45SGD. but it's for american eagle so i guess it's ok? oh wells. i'm getting a hoody. fuck man. holidays are fucking bad.

I'm thinking of you.
What can i do to make myself known?

How have you been feeling? I've been good. I hope you've been great enjoying everyday since the exams were over. How's your violin playing coming along? Are you improving? Are you reaching that dream of yours? How was has school been? Have you found new friends? Someone you can rely on? haha. that's nice. I'm glad for you! :D

The summer's ending.

I don't understand. I really don't. Why aren't you talking to me anymore? You aren't replying my messages, You don't even smile when you see me walk by. You just look away. Can you tell me why you are doing what you are doing? I'm not desperate in wanting to be your friend or whatever for fuck's sake. I just want an explanation. Correct, you don't owe me an explanation you have every right to just ignore my pleas, but really I'm asking from the bottom of my heart: What's gone wrong? Is there a chance I can make anything right? I thought about it just now, why you don't smile at me no more, why you totally ignore me, why you don't even reply my text messages. You know, of ALL the people I liked YOU are the only one who no longer talks to me. I guess we weren't meant to be friends in the first place, though having a place in your mind would be rather honorable I guess it's all the best between you and you and your stylish messy hair boy.


and the time having you around was so great,
but it's time to leave and welcome hate.
to supress the inner desires and fears,
I'm gonna scream.
but you can't hear
cos' it's gonna eat your sleep ringing in your dreams.
say goodbye to yester-year.

SMILE! you're on candid camera!

alright!!!!!!! CARL'S JR TOMORROW!!!!!!!! LIKE FINALLLY!!!!!! FUCK MAN!! I'M SO FRIGGING HAPPY!!!!!!! AND I WANT TO ASK JOANNE KOH ALONG. i feel so bad for be so mean to her i think i shall ask her tomorrow. :) hopefully she would like to come.

TUESDAY IS DRAWING NEARER OH MY GOSH!! ZENN!!! MABEL!!! I'M SO FUCKING EXCITED. pfft.

Oh yes i have this ultra sick dream. i dream of myself fucking carmen de la pica morales. I'M FUCKING PERVE. SHOOT.

alright my mum saw my cuts which is like a really really really long time ago about a month or so. and she was a bit angry but then afterwards she didn't care.

you know i'm starting to feel that cutting is bad way to relieve tension and that kind of thing
we should fag!
can you imagine if you cut yourself then there are scars and they take about 1week- 2months depending how deep you've cut and let's say you are that 2 month scar person then it would be really sad cos you've sort of "changed" then you see those scars and even if you dont feel that way anymore it's still there and people who see it will quickly categorize and stereotype. Therefore, cutting is bad. Wait this post is full of nonsense but i dont care cos i'm off to play sims2 bye bye losers.

distribute free love.

You are so condescending. I can't believe i still love you so.

you know, i used to wonder why do those people or my friends always are able to love that person so wholeheartedly and they cry all over that person and i was thought, wow love is so strong. And then i've like people before and i always wondered why i didn't like whoever i did the way that my friend would. recently i know how that feeling of loving some so wholeheartedly feels. cos I TRULY TRULY LOVE YOU. i really really wish i could be that stylishly messy hair person you would like.

Haven't been quite in love with anybody else other than you.

haven't you heard? Fucking's for free.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

i still say hello.

alright me and zenn and mabel are really horrible girls.
i feel really disgusted at myself. i feel like vomitting. fuck.

session, expired.

tell me about yesterday.

Hello,

i'm feeling abit slow i cant study for my chemistry tomorrow. I can't study at all. I feel like dying. i keep thinking of peaches. not fruit peaches, the singer peaches and her I U SHE stupid song. i you he come on, come on baby lets go. i you she come on, come on baby lets go. HAHAH it's retarded i cant believe shane and carmen likes that song. STICK TO BRIDGETTE BARDOT for pete's sake!

a butch in the streets, a femme in the sheets.

alright. i haven't been blogging because i've been to engrossed with The L Word. and the sounds in the show is good. I DONT MEAN THE MOANING AND GROANING AND HEAVY BREATHING YOU FUCKERS. I mean the music and the beats. it's good playgirl by ladytron is good got a really retro feel to it. moody by trick is good too, really rockish like metal it's hot la. ;) super bad girl by iffy is good too, very dance not techno dance!. ACK CARMEN'S FUCKING HOT LA. then there's the theme song with HOT HOT carmen deejaying the theme song is crappy. see thru you by flunk is very uhh slow hah! Roads by portishead somehow makes me reminisce about the past. o.O stars by the vanishing has a very hip hop feeling to it, and the guitarist is like idiot. -.- but i still like it sort off. whatever it is

YOU MUST CHECK OUT EZGIRL. her tunes are the fucking best! and you can't download it, you have to but the session cds. EZGIRL's tunes are great they are for easy listening no lyrics and they are short the beats and the progressive elements. fucking good. :D www.ezgirlmusic.com




It's been awhile, do i still have a place in my mind? do i still exist in your mind? is there a me? but i'll tell you something you still have place in my mind. you still exist in my mind and there's still a you in my mind. but i feel my feelings for you fading away. i wish you didn't go.

moaning sounds.

moaning, HAHA.

i've been watching The L Word Liane Lopez is SOOO nice!! she lend me her l word season 2 collection. and it's damn nice la. i like the l word alot hahahah! :D I LOVE SHANE AND CARMEN AND JENNIFER(jenny) all three of them should be together la. damn it. SHANE AND CARMEN LOOKS SO GOOD TOGETHER AND SHANE TOO LOOKS GOOD WITH JENNY AND CARMEN AND JENNY ARE ALSO HOT TOGETHER. oh my gosh. SO LESBIAN :D





Carmen's the girl in the fedora hat and Jenny's in the Ugly thing.











Carmen in white, Shane is red. :D
actually, the look much hotter when they are doing it. ;)





















Shane and Jenny, you get the picture right? they look better on screen. still shots are just. yuck.

ALRIGHT. MY SISTER THE SECOND SHOULD JUST GO AND DIE. SHE'S BLAMING ME BECAUSE I DIDN'T TAKE HER CHEMISTRY TEXTBOOK HOME AND SHE HAS COMBINED SCIENCE PAPERS. EARTH TO FUCKING SISTER, HOW WOULD I KNOW YOU WOULD BE HAVING COMBINED SCIENCE AND YOU ALSO DID NOT ADD THAT YOU WERE TO DEPENDENT. AND WHAT'S THE TERM YOU USE TO DESCRIBE SOMEBODY WHO THINKS THAT GOOD THINGS WILL ALWAYS HAPPEN TO YOU OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. I CAN'T REMEMBER AND I DONT CARE. I HAVE TO WRITE MY FUCKING LETTER BYE.

rigged, but failed.

I think it's seriously time for me to get over her, I think i've had enough but then again I can't say I don't you anymore when it's still clear to see I'm still crazy over you. I figured that it would be the best for me and it will make you really happy too. I bet you always thought of me as an annoyance of the sort but whatever it is, All the best in your future endeavours. Because as of TOMORROW(HAHA!) you will no longer be something i want, You will be something i don't require.

spinning around.

i was thinking about LAST time. As in like REALLY REALLY last time. Like LONG LONG ago. right i'm just stalling time, i seem to be developing a severe case of STM. the previous entries are so short because i keep forgetting what i actually want to say. HMMM this is bad, anyway kahlen has MYSPACE. SO COOL! :D i love kahlen like fuck ok! and i was reading some blog post. she's quite, odd. BUT CUTE! :D <3

just cos i die when you're gone.

You scored as The Pretty-Boi Dyke. You can be a bit cocky at times and ever the heartbreaker, but no one knows that you're really just looking for true love. The Pretty-Boi Dyke 60% The Femme Fatale 25% The Student Dyke 25% The Magic Earring Ken Dyke 20% The Sprightly Elfin Femme 20% The Quasi-Gothic Femme 15% The Granola Dyke 10% The Little-Boy Dyke 10% The Vaginal-Reference-Making Dyke 10% The Bohemian Dyke 10% The Surprise! Dyke 5% The Stud 5% The Hipster Dyke 0% What Type of Lesbian Are You? (Inspired by Curve Mag.) created with QuizFarm.com

i feel damn hot now. ;)

_________________EDIT_________________

alright i had to add this, this quiz thing came with a photo. Guess who it was, SHANE! from The L word! AHHH I FEEL SUPER HOT! anybody want to date me. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!\

baby baby, you are so passe.
but that's why i love you everyday.

in the song send your love by the butchies there's part where i hear tingxi :/ around the 1.35 minute part. i think i'm falling sick. by the way i have chinese EOYS tomorrow. HOW EXCITING!!!

i forgot to add that i'm. wait. shit i forgot what i wanted to say. if i remember i'll blog about it tomorrow.

confusion on mission.

it's 11.05 i'm bringing my jacket to school tomorrow to just be retarded and sorts. somehow i wish i was a "normal" girl with "normal" thoughts i fantasize about smoking (!!!!!!) and other wrong things not sex thank you but other unhealthy things, like being modelesque with all that cocaine and stuff. i can't imagine what i'll be like i go to cocaine and tobacco and things like that.

i think i just need sleep.

i'm going thru my elder sisters cupboard! there's like so much clothes!! she gave me a ralph lauren knit jacket. a ralph lauren limited edition pullover, a dkny pullover and a purple velvet blazer!! :D

this is january jones. she's so pretty!!

Stacey, American Dreamgirl IVANA MILICEVIC
Jeannie, American Angler JANUARY JONES
Carol-Anne, American Goddess ELISHA CUTHBERT


these 3 girls are damn frigging hot ok! especially january jones! :D

tonight we cry.

you've put a spell on me, but you don't even know.

i think i feel like dying. I'm watching love actually, it's so Lovey Dovey. :) now is the part where the guy confesses his love to keira knightley. and all that wasted heart thing. :) i think keira knightley has a protruding jaw but she's still hot. HEH. i feel so out of point.

i cant believe i'm still thinking about you, even after so long. and i really really miss you right now. can't you tell, i really love you.